why can't i sleep???

well this is unnerving. went to bed at 1 and tossed & turned or whatever for two hours so I just got up. made some miso soup that my dad bought me today. it tastes like crap. like fish. yuck.

we went to the asian night market beforehand! it was how it is everytime I go there. not a problem, though. here are some useful things I bought there:

cute stationery crap.


a pencilcase that looks like a cat. nice.


a compact mirror that is supposed to look like an oreo cookie.

a fabric covered planner/scheduler thing.

domo-kun keychain.

my mom is moving to ladner on sunday. I don't know much about ladner and I definitely don't know how to get there by bus. kind of worried.

i've developed a schedule.

I can't ever remember living by a schedule in summertime, but I've done it. here it is.

• wake up at 7:00 A.M or 9:00 A.M, depending how late I stayed up last night. eat a large bowl of cereal with fruit. Brush my teeth. Piss
• go back to sleep until 1:00 P.M
• bathe
  
• internetting until I get hungry. make some food. eat the food
• return to the internet until dinnertime and make some food. eat some more food
• once again, return to precious internet
• at 9:50 P.M exactly, I go down to the gym on the main floor of my apartment building and work out for about 45 mins
• come back upstairs and return to the internet (I don't need to shower because I don't smell bad ok, I bathe in the morning)
• internet until anywhere from 1:00 A.M to 4:00 A.M. refrain from eating a '4th meal'
  
• sleep
• and then the cycle begins anew.
  

hey u fucks

it's almost September. that means it's almost Autumn and I fuckin love Autumn.

I bought the wedding edition of the english Gothic & Lolita Bible. it's so beautiful to look at and I wish I knew where to get the other issues. there are even patterns in the back so you can make your own adorable shit.

4 A.M blogs

hey guys. i haven't written in a few days.
sorry about that.
i don't actually know who i am apologizing to. probably myself because i don't like it when i create a journal or a blog and then get lazy and give up on it.

GOD DAMN IT i can see the veins in my wrists and hands and it's bothering me. yuck.

today (yesterday, rather) i got some more clothes and my dad paid off my costume dress. yes. i have it now. it's beautiful and i love it.



it's way puffier than you can see in this picture. lots of layers and stuff. it feels really cool to wear too.

Nobody wants to go with me to see Akira and Ghost in the Shell at midnight at the rio theatre on friday. absolutely nobody. it's so depressing i think i'll just go by myself in costume and see if anybody who isn't gross comes and strikes up a conversation with me. that's how i meet people - either through people or by just standing and mentally willing the other person to come and talk to me because i'd feel so forceful initiating conversation. it works more than you would imagine, actually.

i found out there is a male version of gothic lolita. it's called kodona and it's beautiful. i wish i knew people who would be willing to dress up with me and go to events and look cool altogether. perhaps i will know people like this one day. perhaps.

anyway we just had a fire evacuation thing which was dumb and it'll be daylight out soon so i might aswell try and get to sleep.

I think there's something wrong with my dad

he's been acting weird. he usually works really hard to keep the house clean but it's just really dirty lately and it's gross. there were weird bugs in the tub and that was upsetting.
he made lunch for me today (a nice gesture) but it's just the same thing he always makes and he gave me this cut-up mango that has been cut-up and sitting in the fridge for about a week. i don't want to eat it but i don't want to throw it away because he'll get mad.

today i'm going to put my costume dress on layaway. i finally have 40% of $138! i'm going to get the black one instead of the pink one, danielle can wear the pink one and we'll be twins (sort of).
i don't really know what else i will do today. maybe clean up a bit? my dad would like that. i'll try to make him happy.

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"You could fill the blood of a corner with blood, and the worst thing that happens is that it dries, and is basically just paint!"

hullo

you may or may not have noticed the little wind chime thingy on the top right-hand corner of my blog. please let me know if it is ugly or not. i can't decide if i like it or what. i definitely like the fact that it makes little chime noises which i can listen to as i update my blog.

today i saw a dress i want. it's $138 and i have $10. this is a problem.

i still miss danielle. just come home already, why don't you.

giving up

i give up trying to pursue friendships.
the paranoia of the person maybe wanting nothing to do with you or not wanting to hang out with you or talk to you at all is way too much.
i'm just going to sit back and maybe cool people will come to me.
i'm going to learn chess and join chess club. i've realized that the only people worth meeting in high school are the nerds because they're focusing on things that matter while everyone else is focusing on having as many aquaintances or people they can get drunk with as possible or whatever. i don't know how to word it properly.

it's tuesday and i have no significant plans for weeks, months.
my entire life is based on having something in the near future to look forward to.
i tell my mom about this and she tells me to get a job. she doesn't realise that i've applied at every place that i can and nobody is hiring me.


i love miss universe japan.

2:56

i really wish people would stop getting the wrong impression of me. i'm not stupid (kind of), i'm not a total doornob, i'm just very very very shy when it comes to meeting new people and i just do not know how to be very outgoing upon meeting someone for the first (couple) time(s)! fuck.

what do people like, anyway? i must be doing something wrong.

heh heh heh

i look like cthulhu when i get out of the bath.
the way i have to fix my hair to make it look nice involves bringing all the curl to the front of my head so it all falls in front of my face, and when i'm soaking wet it all collects into about 3 very thick curls covering my entire face and it just looks so hilarious.