Tuesday, September 29, 2009

never, ever again

monday (today, yesterday? the two obviously blend into one another when you stay up/out all night) was a day from hell.

i'm probably just being dramatic, but i feel like a complete fucking wreck right now.
i'll divulge:

i did my first in-person-dumping ever. it didn't feel good. it didn't feel empowering. it just felt like crap. what a waste of emotion. i *hate* short, pointless relationships, anybody can tell you how useless they are. experience my ass, more like a blatant waste of time. in the end, you're usually just like... "how on earth did i ever decide that getting into a relationship with this person would be a good idea? why didn't i listen to anyone? why didn't we just stay friends? why did we cross that line?" but dwelling on this doesn't change the fact that you (likely) fucked up a chance at possible friendship with the person and things will never be the same.

completely unrelated: wow, facebook is being a pile of crap right now

uh, anyway, i'm one of those people who prefer not to be alone during periods of time like these, so i went out late, and stayed out later. everything was really helpful and took my mind off of everything, my friend even got me a ride home (i cannot reiterate enough how greatful i am to you for this - not just the ride home obviously, for hanging out with me when i was all upset and stuff, you're da best) because the skytrain wasn't operating at 1:30/2:00 but then i (a little too much coffee) thought it would be a good idea to walk to the quay instead of just b-lining it straight home. whatever, my dad would've been pissed, i somehow got the idea in my head that it would be really easy to sit in the park at the quay, use the swings and read on a bench for five hours... needless to say, that didn't work.
two hours in i headed home and sat in my apartment lobby for an hour and a half and i finished my book!!! yesssss. finally getting around to finishing a book that has been sitting in your bookshelf for a couple years is a little gratifying.

5:30 and i decided to scrap my "arrive home at 7 and pretend i just caught the first bus home" plan and now i'm here. i'm going to make it a point here to stress that i really don't like lying to my dad but tonight was necessary, i needed out and i needed out as long as possible. i wasn't even doing anything bad, i'm sure he'd sympathise. no more late nights in which have to orchestrate massive lies just to cover up the simple fact that i stayed out later than i'm actually supposed to be staying out. i like having a parent that trusts me and i think i'll try a little harder to maintain this trust.

on a separate note: lately i've been writing FULL BLOWN BLOG ENTRIES. i'd like to think it's sort of impressive for someone who has a pretty fixed schedule of sleeping, internetting and exercising. i wonder if anybody actually reads these entire things. i remember when i'd get so bored on the internet i'd just devote hours on end to reading some weirdos livejournal that takes place over the span of a couple years. i like other people and i like it when they document their lives in a way that is easily accessible by me.

everyone should have a blog.

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