I think there's something wrong with my dad

he's been acting weird. he usually works really hard to keep the house clean but it's just really dirty lately and it's gross. there were weird bugs in the tub and that was upsetting.
he made lunch for me today (a nice gesture) but it's just the same thing he always makes and he gave me this cut-up mango that has been cut-up and sitting in the fridge for about a week. i don't want to eat it but i don't want to throw it away because he'll get mad.

today i'm going to put my costume dress on layaway. i finally have 40% of $138! i'm going to get the black one instead of the pink one, danielle can wear the pink one and we'll be twins (sort of).
i don't really know what else i will do today. maybe clean up a bit? my dad would like that. i'll try to make him happy.

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"You could fill the blood of a corner with blood, and the worst thing that happens is that it dries, and is basically just paint!"

hullo

you may or may not have noticed the little wind chime thingy on the top right-hand corner of my blog. please let me know if it is ugly or not. i can't decide if i like it or what. i definitely like the fact that it makes little chime noises which i can listen to as i update my blog.

today i saw a dress i want. it's $138 and i have $10. this is a problem.

i still miss danielle. just come home already, why don't you.

giving up

i give up trying to pursue friendships.
the paranoia of the person maybe wanting nothing to do with you or not wanting to hang out with you or talk to you at all is way too much.
i'm just going to sit back and maybe cool people will come to me.
i'm going to learn chess and join chess club. i've realized that the only people worth meeting in high school are the nerds because they're focusing on things that matter while everyone else is focusing on having as many aquaintances or people they can get drunk with as possible or whatever. i don't know how to word it properly.

it's tuesday and i have no significant plans for weeks, months.
my entire life is based on having something in the near future to look forward to.
i tell my mom about this and she tells me to get a job. she doesn't realise that i've applied at every place that i can and nobody is hiring me.


i love miss universe japan.

2:56

i really wish people would stop getting the wrong impression of me. i'm not stupid (kind of), i'm not a total doornob, i'm just very very very shy when it comes to meeting new people and i just do not know how to be very outgoing upon meeting someone for the first (couple) time(s)! fuck.

what do people like, anyway? i must be doing something wrong.

heh heh heh

i look like cthulhu when i get out of the bath.
the way i have to fix my hair to make it look nice involves bringing all the curl to the front of my head so it all falls in front of my face, and when i'm soaking wet it all collects into about 3 very thick curls covering my entire face and it just looks so hilarious.

EVERYONE SUCKS

and I've decided I'm never doing anything intoxicating again because I just can't handle myself when I'm like that.


oh, this too:

(404): "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?


hahahahaha