not feeling any better...

all i want right now is to be around others or to have a shoulder to cry on.
i don't even know why i'm so upset, i just feel like nothing is ever going to work out and i don't deserve any better than what i've gotten in the past. i almost feel like it's pointless to look for things that are better for me because i'm just not good enough for them.

like i said, all i want right now is a shoulder to cry on. but others have lives and their own problems and can't just drop everything and look after me when i'm not feeling alright. and i don't feel as if that's unjust or anything, it's just how it is, really. i need to learn to deal with my problems independantly because i'm terrified of pushing others away, because let's face it - who really wants to deal with that one person whose life is almost always in ruins. it's not your life to fix, eventually you just get tired of trying and hope the person figures it out on their own. i don't know how many people i've pushed away by doing this but i don't want to lose anybody else.