Thursday, December 31, 2009

6 and 1/2 hrs till 2010

2009 was troublesome.
i made more than a few big mistakes (as per usual), but i'm starting to forgive myself for them. all i can really do is move on and at least try to make 2010 a better year than the last.

i learned how to color drawings semi-decently in photoshop and i'm so pleased with myself. i'm going to try to put together something really nice in the next few months to color in photoshop, hopefully it turns out well! i already colored one thing but it's lame/not very well done and i'm not gonna post it on my blog because i'm not completely satisfied with it as i know i could do better. i'd like to think i've come a long way considering i was producing complete and utter garbage about two years back, i've clawed my way up to the title of "sub-par" since.

anyway, i hope everybody has lots of fun tonight and in the new year.


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

ahaha. hahah. ha

What did the piercing feel like?

"The split second when the piercing was performed was on of the most profound feelings in my life, it almost like losing my virginity, I experienced infinity. it made me aware of how powerful and unimportant I was at the same time. When you voluntarily decide to put a piece of metal through your skin is very empowering thing. The permanent medium of steel being put through the impermanent medium of flesh is a powerful physical symbol of the impermanence of human existance."

Monday, December 28, 2009


today was a waste - in every sense of the word.
for the first time in a long time i had a little bit of spending money, about $150, and it's almost all gone now. hopefully i get some more for my birthday.

i had my center lip re-pierced. i don't even care anymore, about being trendy or not looking like a faggot or seeming like a faggot. i'm just giving up, honestly. i'm going to do whatever i please without worrying about what somebody's first impression of me is. it's not like anything really matters at this age, anyway. you can't even really be held accountable for doing stupid things because you're young and need to learn the hard way or whatever. this sounds so cliche, you know, the whole iTs My LiFe, iTs mY StYLe, LikE iT or LeAve iT hehE god i hate myself sometimes. if i was somebody else and i encountered myself i would hate me so much. or maybe that's the incredibly judgmental side of me talking?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


i have an xbox 360 now.

Monday, December 21, 2009


i refuse to let this blog die. i hope that doesn't jinx me, everytime i have a livejournal or blog set up and i say something like "i refuse to let this blog die" it dies shortly afterward.

my knees hurt. growing pains? am i even growing anymore?

oh god, christmas with my mom is tomorrow. i'm so excited. she got me a 360 (it's all i asked for). and tuesday morning (i think...?) we're off to the island to visit my grandmother and she's gonna take me shopping. i feel like a spoiled brat. it's nice. i need new clothes (badly). a new jacket, seriously, i'm so goddamned tired of that tna cargo bullshit.

oh oh oh
last week i watched every single episode of metalocalypse. that show is excellent. i love toki's songs.

my eyes are getting really heavy now
merry xmas to anybody who reads this.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

i write this as i sit in bed wearing a spock shirt and sock monkey pajama pants

i haven't updated in a little while because i'm lazy. also because i didn't have anything to talk about.

i've been playing a lot of farmville lately, i think it's beginning to take its toll on my mental health. i become anxious when i think about how many hours until my precious poinsettia crops wither away and die, costing me a pretty penny in virtual farm-gold.

i played a lot of bible black yesterday and today. i think i have finished it, but i am also wondering if i maybe just lost, because the ending involved my character ejaculating to death on the roof of his school. i am thinking that is not how the game was supposed to end. oh well, i guess it's my fault as i made some "immoral decisions" in the game... i.e jacking off all over a girl while she was passed out in the bed in the nurse's office. i thought that was what the game wanted me to do! I SWEAR
i didn't even get to have sex with one of my teachers, or the girl i have been best friends with since my childhood. but i did get to bang my cousin/sister. except i was blindfolded and under a spell and i didn't know.
i want to play an eroge game which is more interactive.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

attractive cake

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

comic/graphic novel collection!

the entire Wet Moon series (which isn't over yet!) this is probably my favorite comic. i solemnly swear to purchase every single one of these that comes out.

ugh. these are bad

i think there are lots more of these, but i only bought the first three issues. i want the rest. i should work on that.

i was a huge jhonen vasquez tard.

moar ross campbell! i really liked this, but i guess they just gave up after this one or something because there's only one in the series and it's been a few years since it came out.

i bought these when i had tons of money to spend on whatever i thought looked cool. they're cute.

for some reason my dad thought Lenore was really clever or something and he bought me a bunch of them. they're cute, that's about it.

and for weeaboo cred: the first chobits book. it was $2 at a used bookstore. hahaha

there's just so much i can't do.

if i had the skill to make things like this i would probably never stop drawing. among many works, i would have my own comic book series with my own characters. in fact, i would have more than one series. i have it all planned out in my head. i would be so busy constantly creating i wouldn't have time to think about sad things anymore. i could eat, sleep, and draw and be satisfied in knowing that when i'm wiped off the face of the planet i will leave so much to be remembered by. that would be good enough for me.

unfortunately i'm not really talented. i'm good at things, i have a few skills that not everyone has, some creative intuition. bits and pieces here and there. but i'm not really anything. i don't really have a solid identity. when i think about the people i know, i think about the things that make them who they are, which are the things they can do better than anybody else. what a person does, or what a person really cares about is what makes that person unique. i think, "oh, ____. ___ is really good at ____." and then i become so frustrated with myself because i know i can't think about myself like that. i know other people can't think about me like that. i think the few people who know me (but not really know me) just see me as that unstable person who has been having issues as long as they can remember, so they don't bother anymore. or maybe they don't see me in any way at all, i stopped being memorable a long time ago. most likely the latter of the two.

that and i i just noticed how quickly half-eaten apples brown when you leave them out.